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"I'm sorry babygirl
Goodbye"
And as I sit here
On my bed
Dwelling on what
Could've been
Should've been
I allow him to leave
Sitting quietly
My body trembling
as the shock
Dissapears
A horrible ache
Flaming through my body
Like fire in a closed box
I begin to cry
acidic tears that burn
My cheeks
My soul
I stand, defeated
And walk to the livingroom
Of coarse
My parents are fighting
Yelling and screaming at eachother
I tug on my mothers shirt
Just needing one single hug
She turns to me
"Go away you obese brat!"
She spits
Venom extremely audible
I turn and sink back into
my bedroom, My awaiting hell
And cry myself to sleep
A single night in many
Once awakened
to the morning light
I throw on my largest hoodie
Staring at my bulging ribs
My Swollen hips
And my Thin Stick like legs
Obese
"I'm fat" I whisper
Critisizing myself
Hating myself
with every fiber of my being
And yet. I go to school
I walk the hallways
Head down, Pace quick
Like oh so many days before
I accidently bump into someone
Not watching my way
"Get out of my way, freak!"
He spits at me
Shoving past my shoulder
Causing pain, But it's nothing
Compared to my emotional pain
I sit in my usual seat
As my friends chatter away
I open my mouth to say something
"God your so mean" Says one
"Shut up spaz" Says another
And so. I laugh it off
Unwilling to let on
Just how painful it is
To be called that
By one of your
Friends
I hurry home
as soon as the bell rings
Pushing past
My ex boyfriend
Just to hear him mutter
"Stupid Bitch"
Once home
I notice no family
No one even remotely close
I smile to myself
And drop my books
grabbing all the bottles
Of pills I can
All the alchohal I can aquire
And I run the bath
Warm, Soothing
Especially with my razor
Gripped tightly in my hands
I slide into the warm bath
and lean down,
The water raising to my chin
I raise my wrist
And begin my work
Slice after slice
Scarlet tears begin to pour
Tinting the water a light pink
Once both my arms
Are ravaged by my silver friend
I begin working at my legs
Slicing up each side until it's covered
Leaking with scarlet
I lay there
Watching the water turn a dark red
As i begin popping back pills
One by one, Two by two
What does it even matter?
I'll die anyway
My mothers anti-depressents
With my fathers blood pressure meds
My mothers sleeping pills
With my fathers diabetic medications
It all looks the same to me
And with one swig of vodka
Everything looks the same
Blurry
I slide down
Water engulfing my every senses
To all of those I have loved
I am sorry
To all of those I have hurt
I am sorry
To all of those I could not keep
I am sorry
And as i take my last breath
Into the inviting liquid
That numbs my pain
I Think back to his face
His smile
His laugh
All those amazing messages
All Those beautiful lines
That made me feel so Happy
That made my life worth living
I whisper into the scarlet steel
Using my last ounce of streanth
Before death takes me
"Goodbye. I love you. I'm sorry"
This is my final farewell
I've decided to stop writing. So this is my last peice forever. I no longer have inspiration, Drive, And writing about my feelings just... hurts so much I can't. So, All of you who have supported and loved me. I thank you, You guys have been there through everything and I really thank you for that. I hope I inspired you in my short career as a writer and you guys mean everything to me. I'll still be on here if you guys feel down and just. You need to talk but there will be no more submitting on my part. I'm done with writing so this is it guys. Thank you. And may i leave you with this
"Writing is a freedom, Freedom needs protection, and protection needs sacrifice"
Thank you all for supporting me. Goodbye.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconnanuk1997:
nanuk1997 Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2012
This is so good..please dont stop writing because i tried that...its hard once you stop because its such a good way to let your emotions out without physically saying them and making someone mad at you...please dont stop writing because you're really good.
Reply
:iconmusicalangel659:
musicalangel659 Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you. And I have to...
Reply
:iconthemartyred:
TheMartyred Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh! sry I get spazzy sometimes when I read things that really touch me and make me feel sad or angry! it was very good...and...very bad! you know what i mean. beautifully written yet very depressing and scary.
Reply
:iconmusicalangel659:
musicalangel659 Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2012  Student Writer
Lol why thank you I'm glad I inspired you <3
Reply
:iconsprx777:
Sprx777 Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2012
That's depressing, but beautifully written...
Reply
:iconmusicalangel659:
musicalangel659 Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you ^.^ I write depressing stuff the best but lately all ive written was happy XD
Reply
:iconsprx777:
Sprx777 Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2012
Still. o.o I can never write like this.
Reply
:iconmusicalangel659:
musicalangel659 Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2012  Student Writer
I tried hard on this I spent maybe... 15 minutes? xD
Reply
:iconsprx777:
Sprx777 Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2012
:o you are very talented.
Reply
:iconmusicalangel659:
musicalangel659 Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2012  Student Writer
Thanks ^.^
Reply
:iconsprx777:
Sprx777 Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2012
You're welcome. :)
Reply
:iconmusicalangel659:
musicalangel659 Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2012  Student Writer
:) your awesome at writing too :) amazing actually
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconthreeteabags:
ThreeTeabags Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
this made me cry, you've got such a way with words... don't quit, please? I understand what it's like to have no inspiration or drive, i stopped writing for a couple of years, but it came back and i love writing again.
maybe instead of quitting you might just put it on hiatus for as long as necesary? :heart: stay strong, and when you can't, borrow the strength of us here on dA
Reply
:iconanimeprincess1990:
Animeprincess1990 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
This brought me to tears...so beautiful. :)
Reply
:iconmusicalangel659:
musicalangel659 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you I'm glad My life has had an impact on your own ^^;
Reply
:iconanimeprincess1990:
Animeprincess1990 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Very welcome, dear
Reply
:iconcloudwatcher240:
Cloudwatcher240 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2012  Student Writer
Now why would you ever want to stop this? O.O I'm sure you'll find inspiration eventually :)
Poetry can be about anything. :) Keep on writing!
Reply
:iconmusicalangel659:
musicalangel659 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2012  Student Writer
I just don't have the drive anymore ^^; thank you though. If i write more i'll keep you posted.
Reply
:iconcloudwatcher240:
Cloudwatcher240 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2012  Student Writer
:D alright then. I'll watch you :3 I really just think this is amazing :)
Reply
:iconmusicalangel659:
musicalangel659 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you I just got really upset tonight and it just kinda, Flowed out of me i guess thats why it's so long. When i write i don't feel asthough i can control myself so it kind of just detirmans itself. lol ^^;
Reply
:iconcloudwatcher240:
Cloudwatcher240 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2012  Student Writer
well, that is how you should write poetry (in my opinion). to just let it come out :) Otherwise, there is no feeling, and it grows boring XD
Reply
:iconmusicalangel659:
musicalangel659 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2012  Student Writer
I guess XD This poems kinda based on my life XD
Reply
:iconcloudwatcher240:
Cloudwatcher240 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2012  Student Writer
I've noticed lol XD
Reply
:iconmusicalangel659:
musicalangel659 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2012  Student Writer
Yupp XD
Reply
:iconrakunow:
rakunow Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2012
Aww. It's nice writing, though! Beautiful, sad :(
Reply
:iconmusicalangel659:
musicalangel659 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you I hope it inspired you ^^;
Reply
:iconrakunow:
rakunow Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2012
It did :) *sends a bearhug* And don't worry! You have a talent for writing, I hope you'll write more in the future :)

But if it hurts you, I dunno, although I understand.
Reply
:iconmusicalangel659:
musicalangel659 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you ^^; Your support means a lot to me and if i decide to write more i'll be sure to tell you.
Reply
:iconrakunow:
rakunow Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2012
Yay :)
Reply
:iconmusicalangel659:
musicalangel659 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2012  Student Writer
:)
Reply
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Submitted on
March 5, 2012
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